Month of August was a landslide. I am glad it is passed! I was mentally crippled by work expectations and literally, I gave up. It had some impact on my client interaction but fortunately the miscommunication was sorted out (people do sympathize with you when you tell them “I am sorry”!). Anyway, interconnectivity in any workplace is of utmost importance and more so in a startup. Managing virtual teams is very challenging and if you are a grand central station then you are always buzzing and sometimes it gets real messy. I had blogged about “managing energy” last year but that time my understanding on the topic was limited. Even today, I don’t understand it completely but it is infact a very important trait to possess.
I am not here to present to you some tips or suggestions from my personal experience. Many other people are doing it already. I just want to write down my thoughts. Blogging always helped me find peace.
I always enjoy responsibilities. Many times I over hustle and over think to make sure I am substantially contributing to my team. I hate to hear the phrase “you’re not good enough” or to have some eyes telling me that you failed. I go left-right-center to make things work and in return it burns me out. Why I do so? Because in the end I always think I contributed! Asking others for help even if I am exhausted is tough for me; my big ego comes in my way. I also feel insecure seeing others adding more and better value than I do. I am very competitive and thus “managing energy” is difficult for me.
Last month, I realized that too much work is NOT good for anyone. I wasn’t happy and was loosing my motivation, too. It made me feel sick to my stomach! that I am not giving 100% to my team. One part of my brain was suggesting me to LET GO and relax but the other part wasn’t ready to LET GO at all. That filled me with confusion, dilemmas and what not.
All that provide me a valuable lesson of having physical interaction with the team (NOW I understood why Marissa Meyer didn’t support work-from-home policy). Overtime, it decreases your motivation and with less motivation your productivity suffers. It doesn’t matter if you have a virtual team of 100 people trying to balance out each and every bit of workload, after few months it is frustrating. That frustration then turns into excuses to avoid people (those people can be your subordinates, clients and even your family) and phone calls turn into nightmares. I wanted to be switched OFF! just like my phone. Believe me nothing works! TIME is the biggest healer.
Now, the dreadful month is gone, I don’t know whether it was a bad or a good experience but no doubt it helped me knowing who I am and how I work. Also, I feel for the ones who are at receiving end. As I said it is good for none!