Healing Wounds

Eyes are numb
Dropping the curtain every now and then
The lights didn’t go off last night
And we are gripped in a never ending bullfight

I didn’t want it but do I really need it?
May be a lesson to strike a note off
Broken trust or broken strings
Anything can get a new ring

Life ain’t easy
But no good thing comes easy
Time heals deep wounds
Just like Gold can heal a broken bowl

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Catch-22

Every night, when I take my last drag
I promise myself to open up more
To tell you that you mean a lot

Every night, when I open my playlist
It makes me wonder, why I behave so differently
Is it because, I have much to say but don’t think the time is right?

Every night, when a song hits me
I feel sad that I ignore you some days
Is it because of obsessive nights and hazy days?
May be, I am too worried with dreams

Every night, I wonder why we behave like kids
Some days we talk, laugh and play
And other days just fly away without a single word

Every night, I plan to wave a warm good morning
Waiting & waiting for the moment, but it never occurs
Apparently, Sun shines only after the sixteenth hour everyday

Every night, I feel our paths have crossed at the wrong hour
As you’ve only seen my bad and worst
And thus, you don’t appreciate me as much I like you to

I hope my obsession brings good times soon
And I can’t wait to share them with you

Every night, is a long night for quite a while now

P.S. Wasn’t hoping “Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors” to pop-up in my Spotify #DiscoverWeekly playlist 😛

The Man

Grounded as a rock
The man can’t walk

With sky open wide
The man is looking for a guide

Brain is throwing up many possibilities
The man is busy analyzing all probabilities

Heart seems to be closer to the dream
The man is looking to revive his esteem

Under dim lights penning down the promises
The man is doubting thomases

the man

Image source: DeviantArt

True Friends!

Hey,

I am writing this to you to let you know that I miss our good old days. I have been off lately and I am very sorry for behaving oddly and hurting you. I wish, I could share my troublesome feelings but I didn’t want my negativity to effect you in a bad way. I didn’t want you to think that I am cynical and pessimistic. I remember in college, I dragged myself away from a very close friend. But you know, what he did? He changed the course of my boat, so that I don’t beat myself up hard and drift away. He made me understand the true meaning of relationships. And I will remember that for rest of my life. There was one more close friend, whom I wish (till today) would have done the same. Well, life is long and I am still hopeful. I must admit, I was bit jealous of you and I thought that I am not good enough for your loyal company. It hurts every single night that I am moving away from you. Sometimes, I feel I am protecting you from my dark side but I see you cry inside, too. And that’s not good for either one of us. I know you have tried dragging me in but try more. I want you to fight a little more and I will come back to you like a boomerang.

true_friends

P.S. Here is a good piece of music for your ears – Shine

The Lady in Pink

I fondly remember the day, I saw mom in her full strength. She wore a light pink gown like attire that morning. I was young but I could feel that she believes that the world is up for grabs. I was happiest that day. I felt most secured that day. And I felt most home that day. She hasn’t been at utmost comfort for the last year or so. She went through paralysis due to blood clotting in her brain in Jan’14. The fact that I wasn’t there for her when she was going through an operation makes me feel sad and bad about it. Her condition has improved but being a heart patient makes things more difficult for her. Lately, I am seeing her loosing her belief in life. Watching her struggle for a normal breathe every day is painful and heartbreaking. I wish I could tell her, you will be fine “one day”, but deep down I don’t know what our future is going to uncover.

For the last few days, my imagination is giving me hope. It is boiling up an event which I pray is true one fine day. And I want to live long enough to write a testimony to the blissful evening when I will see my imagination turns into a reality. Here is my sketch –

—–

A winter day about to hit dawn
With sun closing its eyes and lightning up the moon
Birds flying back to their nests, feeding their babies and chirping
And a slow musical breeze adding a plethora of lightness to everyone’s mood

Mothers and dads enjoying a light procrastination with their buddies
And at the same time watchfully looking over their children’s play
Old men and women sitting on lawns in circles with shawls and scarves
Feeling proud discussing their grandchildren’s success stories
And confident over their political and family views

Suddenly a loud whistle flipped my attention towards a warm house
A lady wearing a pink attire is cooking healthy meal for her family
She is lean with long black and brown hair and soft angled eyebrows
Washing dishes inch by inch and then moving sideways to ignite a stove
She turns back to my eyesight and peeks through her kitchen window
I think she is looking for her husband and is now relaxed
For she has found him talking to their friendly neighbor near a swing

Then she lifts her head smiling and waving her hands
As if she is asking me to run and come fast
I was confused because it was just me and my imagination
Suddenly my soul feels heavy as I watch a young boy going past me
As the moment unfolds, my eyes become heavier

He waves back at the lady, asking her to open door for him
She asks her younger son to open up the door for his brother
But he was busy contemplating at his childhood heroes
Seeing that she leaves the kitchen to go to the front door
Frustratedly looking at her younger child but smiling at the young boy
After helping him to washroom, she looks back at me
This time with a lot of hopes and proudness
Giving me chills of courage and self belief

This very moment, she was the most beautiful
This very moment, she was the most strong
And this very moment, she was the most confident

I wish I could experience this profound moment one fine day
But this time in reality not in a figment of my imagination and past memory
And this time, smiling and waving at a young man not a young boy
And I can tell you that I will be the happiest when it happens

—–

lady_in_pink

Image: Art by Giovanni Boldini

I end my post with a good piece of music for your ears – Loud Places

P.S. I dedicate this blog post to mom.

I Am Not There

When people I love fall
It hurts because I am not there to offer them my hand

When people I love cry
It hurts because I am not there to wipe off their tears

When people I love tell me that they won’t live long
It hurts because I am not there to tell them that you will live long enough to watch me grow old

When people I love pray for me all the time
It hurts because I forget to call them up and say “hi”

rsz_1im_not_there

 

My Mysterious Fox

If stars ever speak to me
I tell them to shine on her face every night

If sun ever speaks to me
I tell him to always give her warmth till dawn

If wind ever speaks to me
I tell her to never let her go out of breath

If rain ever speak to me
I tell her to wash away all her fears and pain

If earth ever speak to me
I tell her to keep her ground strong

If I ever speak to her
I tell her she is the best thing that has happened to me

If she ever speaks to me
I tell her you are my mysterious fox

mysterious_fox

I Thought You’re “The One”

In my head, I played with the idea
That you’re a special one
In my heart, I saw
That I emotionally connected to you
I imagined you and I discovering new places
And living a worthy life

Your presence was my sun
Your voice was my caffeine
Your anger brings an unexpected smile
And your calling opens up my closed mind
But your emotionless face frustrated me to the core

You give me kick to travel
You inspire me to build my dreams
You were in my life for a short interval
I wish I’d have shared more memories
I wish I’d have shared more of me
And I wish I have known more of you

When I look back to those weeks
You were a blessing to my life
Will remember you always
Even if are oceans apart
And your name will always be on my lips

Sometimes life doesn’t give you what you want
Sometimes life has other plans
Sometimes life tells you to give up
And I curse life for what she’d done
But life is beautiful and it keeps on going
This time without you
And I give my best to both of you

In my head, in my heart
You are the person, I wish I’d have
Love is majestic
And I would love to love again

1

P.S. Inspired by the song “Atlantis” by Seafret.

“Repetition” – It Changes Everything

Till last January, I hated coding/programming and now it gives me a self-belief and somehow makes me feel good. As my friend Mohit put it – coding is spiritual, can only be experienced. It can neither be explained nor justified.

Umm…something is wrong about the start. Didn’t suit the post title, right? May be but you have to bear the pain of reading it to know “what it is about”. Lets begin.

(Sorry for such an abrupt beginning)

I puzzle over arguments such as whether reading books can enhance English speaking/writing abilities. Can singing help you become a better orator. Why talking to some people make us feel lively. What cause human misunderstandings. Why aging (or experience) make us wiser. All these questions have one common thing – they all sound weird and stupid. But if we change our perception and try looking brain as a piece of code (humongous lines of code ever written in human history) then answer to each of the earlier made arguments and questions can be trivial.

Take this for example – what would you do if your code isn’t working? Common solutions are: try changing parameters; find out where you missed semicolons; wrong database syntax and etc, etc. What is common in all these solutions? First, each solution is a process (can be short or long depending on your task and what you are trying to achieve). Second, this process is repetitive (takes time and energy, and need patience). In computer world, we provide code (here, treat code as a person) inputs. Our inputs are our thoughts. Our thoughts are our experiences. Our experiences diversify over time, our thoughts begin to feel wiser and our inputs become more accurate which means our code (which is a person, as I asked you to believe) behaves sharper and smarter (less errors encountered).

Above analogy also applies to our brains. In our case (humans) real time life experiences are unconsciously providing us inputs which act as signals for our brains to change its functioning. Exposing brain to different experiences enhance certain part(s) of our brains which make us behave individually.

Many people and books propagate – human brains are hard-wired. They all are partially right. We should question them – In what/which ways are they hard-wired. Are they hard-wired not to be able to change. Of course not. Are they hard-wired such that each individual learns a particular skill differently (through different experiences). Last statement makes sense. For some of us shopping is relief, for some playing football is, for some reading books is, for some running is, for some eating is, and for some listening music is relief.

This characteristic is very similar, if not similar, to algorithms. Each algorithm is designed to give a particular set of output(s). What if each human brain is an algorithm. It clearly describe why humans can be divided into sets based on characteristics/traits. Moreover, each human can develop skills (for say – leadership, selling) in many different ways. If I want to understand leadership then learning via coursera may not be a good option for me but it can be a great option for someone sitting just right next to me. World is filled with numerous such examples showing us distinct ways to attain subject knowledge and practice skills.

So, my next and last question is – what can we refer from human’s brain design:

First, treat each individual differently; allow them to dream; develop within them a sound self-belief system so that they can marvel their goals/dreams.
Second, don’t give up easily on difficult tasks/issues; repetition is the word and it changes everything.
Third and last, human brains are far more complicated than we think they are and holds power beyond our imagination. Admire this enormously powerful fact and take small but steady steps to understand it.

P.S. I am able to develop this thought process only because of repetition and/in coding. Hence the title and excessive use of the word coding (as a protagonist) in this post.

This post is inspired by my new friend and housemate Mohit Prakash.

repetition